change of heart

“[Repentance] means unlearning all the self-conceit and self -will that we have been training ourselves into... It means killing part of yourself, under-going a kind of death.” 
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

 As the ripping apart of the dual-souled man, should anything else be expectable? 

​​Repentance is... 
choosing every day,
                        sometimes every hour
          choosing not to anesthetize 
          praying all the way through panic attacks
      fighting fear with Truth
          waiting on the Lord and 
         waiting on the Lord and
            waiting on the Lord
              one foot in front of the other
               choosing to walk in obedience 
                 choosing love for God over love for self 
            hard, hard, hard
    Spirit-checking your motives with every thought and every breathe 
              sorrow and submission
               humbling
                  handing out grace upon grace
    listening for when to speak and when to be silent
                    handing God your desire for control
                     stumbling and getting back up
                  building hedges
                  perseverance
                  admitting weakness
                    new eyes, new love
 choosing faith through the uncertainty
                        choosing to trust God with all the what-if's
                 transparency
                 getting real
   choosing His will over yours
                                 choosing His word over your emotions
                 remembering Christ's love for us 
                 resting under God's covering
                       thanking God for his relentless pursuit 
                      foundation-building
                 a gift
                  possible

"But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you."  James 4:6-10
                       
A few recommendations to ride along with:

Sometimes the dead do speak to us. Check out The Doctrine of Repentance by Thomas Watson here.
And you really should buy The Story of Our Lives.  Near-perfection from The Violet Burning. Get it here.
Want a listen first? Click here for a Change of Heart. 
And a sermon speaking to God's grace, love, and all the "yets" and "buts"? Listen here. Seriously good stuff. 

Eyes closed, ears open. 

I know of no other way to triumph over sin long-term than to gain a distaste for it because of a superior satisfaction in God." @johnpiper

---