Rip Her to Shreds...note to self

So, it's actually possible to be prideful and snotty when God has allowed total humility to rain down on your life.  How can that little monster still have life when I'm the biggest sinner in the room? Seriously, girl!  Do we need to go down the list of ways I have been ungracious to others? 

A false balance is an abomination to the Lord,
    but a just weight is his delight.
When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
    but with the humble is wisdom. Proverbs 11:1-2

It's not only that differing measures are used for my sins and others, it's also between the others, themselves. Love and understanding is given to some and other select few have no grace, whatsoever.  Larger transgressions seem to get a pass with those I like.....or from whom I have received forgiveness. Relatively small things are pocketed away for those I have contempt for. And probably have a portion of that contempt because of something they have against me. Or because I am intimidated by them in some way. They can do no right. This leads to lack of prayer for God's love in the form of grace, mercy, and refinement to come into their lives. I do not love my enemies. I sit here on a mountain of treasured love from God's people and want to withhold it from a select few. As my beautiful counselor said to me this week, "I think you still have some humbling coming your way."  
Gulp! 

Thing is, my eyes have been opened to the ways I have judged motives and hearts. Affecting and preventing relationships. Some of them with potential to divide within our church body. Many of those, I am getting the privilege to know better. As fellow humans. With messes and scars and joy and lessons to pass along. 
And though I undoubtedly deserve it, no one has ripped me to shreds. 

He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed[a] thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”Luke 18:9-14

We are all the tax collector and the Pharisee. The prodigal son and the older brother (see Luke 15). Sometimes,in the same breath. God, help me see all that I want to hide. And grow me in your wisdom. And love. And love. And love. 

Writing soundtrack for today
Rip Her to Shreds-Blondie
Trouble-Bob Dylan
The Pure in Heart-The Foxglove Hunt

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