I did not want to leave the house today.
I do not want to go to the beach tomorrow.
I live and die by numbers.
Numbers on my scale. The number on my jeans. The number of meals I ate today. The number of miles I didn't run to burn off those meals. Number of Ding-Dongs I now want to eat because I'm depressed and give up.
What I Wore Wednesday? Torture.
Bored yet? Me too.
Instead of readying my heart and mind for worship on Sunday, I want to hide under the heap of clothes I've changed in and out of for an hour. I would keep from fellowship with the body because I want mine to disappear. I'd love to hide when I'm feeling hideous. But I would also be hiding from encouragement, love, worship, laughter, and correction. Here's the kicker. Most already know just how hideous I am anyway. It's oozing from my heart. Try and starve that out. Good luck!
In fighting obsessive thoughts, there are certain phrases that need to be cut out of everyday speech. Habits so engrained, they've become normal in so many conversations with other sisters. Replying to any compliment (okay, every "Hi, how are you?") with, "Ugh, I need to lose poundage " or "Are you kidding, look at my (fill in the blank with list of perceived flaws)." Ever notice how much we do this?
On and on and on. Nauseating.
Spirit killing. Temple killing. I can attest to that.
As our great God is stripping away all that hinders me, his armor is what I should be clothed in. It fits every time. Someday, I pray, that will be all others see and all I focus on. How beautiful. How freeing.
So, I'm trying to stop these words from taking away the refreshment that should be offered instead. Replacing them with words of grace. Let's feed each other the good stuff. Be energized for the better things God wants us to do.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things
This book is helpful even when I don't want to be helped.
The Road to Ensenada by Lyle Lovett because Lyle is the man!