when the queen abdicates and can't shut her mouth

Here we go again.
 
God, can I just hide now? Give me back the ability to clam up. Wire my jaw. 

But He pulled a reverse-Zechariah on me. 

Introversion is screaming at me, "Get back here. Shut up! Shut up! You can't put the lid back on, Pandora." 
She is sending shockwaves throughout my nervous system. 


I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.  


Giving honest answers is draining. And humiliating. And so not me. 

Eve, pass the fig leaves. Let me rebuild my suit of motherhood, wifedom, discipleship, friendship, vocation, and, well, identity from them. Pretty it all up, because it's too much to stand out here exposed. I want to be that low-maintenance queen of the introverts again. All dolled up in works and pride. And frustration and futility. 

God has made his own covering. 
And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them. Genesis 3:21

One that I have no credit in.
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:8-10

Because it's not about me. It's about Christ and his righteousness. 
..for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. Romans 3:23-25

And this...
"the gospel sets me free to let you see me at my worst"
Tullian Tchividjian

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Matthew 5:6

Finishing up with a listen to more goodness just added to my music library. Particularly "When I Survey the Wonderous Cross"
Michael Roe and the 77's

Just maybe my next post will be cotton candy fluff. Like, "what i wore wednesday", yeah? 
Stay tuned.....

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