Why Can't I Be You

Natalie, I covet. Debbie, I covet.
Annie, I covet. Siouxsie, I covet. 
For the millionth time, I heard this phrase leave my mouth yesterday,
"Agh, I wish I had her voice." (and looked like her and had total awesomeness like that)
I say it all the time. 
"If only."
It seems like such a silly thing, but they aren't simply words. They have slowly rooted in the heart.
​
I've worshiped at many altars. I've asked the gods for favors. 
Her heart.
Her magic.
His boldness.
Her perfection.
Her smarts.
His talent.
Her take-no-prisoners, kick-all-the-doors-down badness.

Meanwhile, bending, contorting, and sweating the wishes right out of my pores.
To be someone else.
To fit in another's mold.
To absorb all that I am not.
To disappear into something brighter, bolder, and meaningful.
To not be this bland, nothing of a gal.
A life full of "if only."

You look like you've got something there. I'll just sit here like an abzorbaloff from Doctor Who, trying to digest a bit of your brilliance.
​Why can't I be you? 
Straining to find the secret to shape-shifting instead of fixing my eyes where they belong.
Instead of spending energy on what God has made my own. Reducing others down to pieces of who I am not instead of simply enjoying who they are.

All those, "if only" wishes seem so harmless.
                                               But a life built on their unsteady foundation, not so much. 

Discontent, impatience, greed.....a pile of covetousness in front of a jealous God.
A pile of "Thanks, but no thanks. I can't work with this. It's not enough. I'll be over here trying to mold myself into one idol after another. You don't mind, do you? 
No, no....not Christ's image. This person's image. That's a better look for me."

I covet. And coveting leaves a consuming hunger that destroys more than the host. 

But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs. Timothy 6:6-10

So help me remember and worship in thankfulness for this:

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17

...and stop singing, "why can't I be you."  
...apologies to Mr. Smith.
​




​

---